The List

Some of you may remember that a few years ago, I did a blog series called “From my Li’l Notebook of Thoughts.” It was intended to be a weekly shin-dig, but I discontinued it because I didn’t have nearly as many thoughts as I thought that I thought. What you didn’t know was that I still write in the notebook, and it serves as a portion of my soul, forever binding be to the world unless it and six other objects containing my soul are destroyed. Let’s take a peek, shall we?

•  Yo momma’s so fat, she lost her left foot to type 2 diabetes and will never walk again.
• Yo momma’s so fat, she suffered from a myocardial infarction and had to go under intensive heart bypass surgery in order to save her life, then had to take out a second mortgage on her home and sell her car to pay the subsequent medical bills.
• Yo momma’s so fat, she throws up twice a day and slits her wrists because she can never keep up with the impossible physical standards set by the media.
• Idea: turn empty wall next to the door into a “Wall of Shame.”
• You are more depressing than Sophocles in his emo phase.
• Ah, the 1750’s. When a transatlantic trip took a whole month, hot air balloons were high-tech, and America was England’s bitch.
• The worst part about the truth is that it’s true.
• Guns don’t kill people- video games, goth, and rap music do.
• When I get my first car, it will be white, and I’ll name it “honkey.”
• “I’d like to rock her Cashbah.”
• “I’d like to hustle her Van McCoy.”
• “I’d like to do that chick’s ass what MTV did to music- wreck it.”
• “I’d like to infiltrate her Spheres of Influence.”
• “I’d like to make sexual innuendo about her.”
• With that hat, you’ll be the envy of the mental hospital.
• Greeting card idea: You’re not quite as ugly as Carrot Top.
• What if you wanted to file a bunch of folders? Then what would you do?
• Just think- 50 years from know, today will be history. 100 years from now, our movies will be boring. 1000 years from now, nobody will care.
• Just once I’d like to ask my teacher a question and have her reply “I’d could tell you, but I’d rather SHOW you… in song!”
• Whenever I see a sock with no partner, I put it back in the laundry. Who knows? It might meet someone.
• If Jesus were cheddar, he’d be Cheesus.
• The only difference between a good essay and a bad essay is whether or not I wrote it.
• I shave my entire face. Not just my chin and cheeks, but my forehead, too. I call my eyebrows “eyestaches” and my mustache my “Hairy Sanchez.”
• Why do they bother making the top two rungs on ladders if they’re going to put a warning label that says you’re at risk of falling if you stand on them?
• In 2041, Windows XP will be a 40-Year-Old Version.
• There are some people who do nothing all day but think great thoughts. But I have one thing that they haven’t got- a notebook to write them down in!

That’s all for now, chums. DT Out.

Tags: list, notebook, thoughts